Being fat your whole adult life affects you…and if you are overweight, you know what I mean. People look at you accusingly, you accuse yourself, you try to figure out ways to not look fat or just ways to be invisible. You question whether you are lovable or even deserve it. You wonder whether you really are lazy and just not disciplined enough to lose weight….you feel like less of a person and that you are lucky that anyone lets you pretend they are your friend. This city just amps up the self-loathing…I mean there are people walking around that are smaller than a size 0!!! How is that possible?
Pretty much every decision you make has an element of fatness to it…If I take this trip, will I fit into the airplane seats? Will the person next me be pissed off for having to sit next to me? Ditto when going to a show. No, thank you, I will just stand on the subway because I don’t think my fat ass can squeeze in that space. Can I actually walk in high heels without breaking them? If I go shopping with my friends, will there be any clothes for me to try on? Will being fat keep me from being taken seriously? or sensuously? Can I agree to a hike or will I slow everyone else down? Should I make a fat joke right away to put everyone else at ease or will that draw too much attention to myself?
And then, there are the rebellious thoughts…I look just fine!!! Dammit! I can do anything anyone else does and who are ‘they’ (the ominous, ever-present ’they’) to judge? Their lives aren’t so freakin’ great just because they can buy any clothes they want. I am happy dammit!
Anytime there is a story about a diet or the obesity problem, you feel guilty. Should I try to lose weight now? No, it isn’t the right time, I will wait til x happens.
But, I am not happy. I am tired of all the second-guessing, trying to pretend the elephant in the room is not me. Granted, health-wise, I am in pretty good shape…well, at least up until the last year when I gained 20lbs. Before that, I was probably healthier than most of those women I envied. My heart was good, low-blood pressure and low cholesterol, even though I needed to lose a 100lbs. But, now, I am borderline diabetic and have high cholesterol…all in just one year (and a lifetime of being overweight).
So, now is as good a time as any to fix this problem.
I know it isn’t going to be easy… in fact new evidence suggests that if you are overweight, it actually takes more to burn off a pound of weight than if you are a normal weight. Plus, since every person in my family back to at least my great-great-great grandma was short and fat, I am fighting genetics also. But, I have faced challenges before, made it through law school and a master’s program, moved from a small town in the mid-west to the greatest city on earth…NEW YORK CITY baby! So, hopefully, I am up to this challenge.
I decided to try to do everything right this time (god knows I have tried to diet the wrong way before) and start by seeing a doctor. But, I was definitely put off by his immediate proposal was to offer surgery and drugs. I hate the way that western doctors gravitate to such invasive procedures first!!! This doctor has been seeing patients specifically for weight loss for over 20 years and this is his suggestion???? He also said that of the 1000’s of patients he has seen he can count on one hand the number who have taken the weight off and kept it off…wow, that is so freakin’ reassuring. I am really glad I went to see that guy….
He did say that it was possible that I had a thyroid imbalance and is checking my bloodwork for that possibility. But, in the mean time, he suggested I go on Atkins….meat?? Um, what about my cholesterol? There was just something about him that put me off.
But, not to be deterred, I thought about my recent trip to India and the Ayurvedic treatments I had received. It is a 5000 year old medicinal practice…there is some credibility. And, fortuitously, one of my friends just happened to mention an Ayurvedic doctor she just saw in the City. This city is freakin’ awesome! Where else in the U.S. could you just happen to have a friend who is seeing an Ayurvedic doctor to recommend to you?
So, I went to see Dr. Pratima. She was great….looked me over, had me answer some questions and came up with a plan. It is pretty restrictive, so I was scared, but desperate times call for desperate measures. And herein lies the purpose of my blog. I am going to follow her plan and blog it and see how it goes and you can follow along if you like.
